Outbound

By Gary Ferguson

Bone weary in the wee hours, rolling west out of Colorado. I make it only as far as Green River before pulling off for a nap at the back of an abandoned gas station, easing past a sad toss of weeds and cracked concrete and rusted barrels. The rest of the night plays out to the whine of big trucks on Interstate 70: some running for Denver, others west to I-15 and then on to California. Every so often one slows and exits, rumbles past me here on the outskirts – pausing barely long enough for a tank of fuel, maybe a microwaved burrito at the Gas-N-Go on West Main. Nearly everyone, it seems, is just passing through.

Listening to the engines in the darkness, I’m reminded of the story of an anthropologist from Boston sent west to California in the 1920s, assigned the job of chronicling the language of the Pit River Indians, even then on the verge of extinction. At one point the young researcher asks the elders their word for newcomers – recent arrivals, European descendents like himself. The men get nervous, refuse to answer. Finally, after much cajoling, they give in. The word is inalladui, one old man explains. Tramp. We can’t understand how your people travel through without ever stopping long enough to learn something of the land; without ever binding a place to your heart. We think a part of you must be dead inside.

I’m up again at dawn, glad to trade the four-lane for Highway 95 – a sweet, lonely path along the San Rafael Swell. Beyond the road the land is dappled with locoweed and purple vetch, dropseed and cheatgrass and fescue, here and there the occasional huddle of juniper or cottonwood. This was Jane’s country. A wind-shorn mix of rock and wind and sky that changed her utterly, turning her at 18 from a Midwest farmer’s daughter into an outdoor educator. An Outward Bound instructor. A national park ranger. “You know if something ever happens to me,” she said shortly before she died, relighting a conversation we’d had years before, “I want my ashes scattered in my favorite places.” Five days later she was gone, lost in a canoeing accident on the Kopka River, in the dark woods of northern Ontario.

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