Sexual Health Education Information
Welcome to Sex Ed!
Welcome to Sex Ed! Sexual Education during our schooling years is usually inadequate, even more so if you are LGBTQ+. The goal of this website is to provide you with basic information that your other sex ed might have missed (especially if you never received any. We'll cover terminology and anatomy, and then cover the varieties of sex (and sexual protection), and lastly help you learn about types of healthy relationships.
Sidenote: While gender is absolutely and unequivocally an important part of your identity, and very much a part of learning about being LGBTQ+, properly covering gender was difficult within the time constraints of this project. Links about great resources on gender will be provided, to the best of my ability.
Terms to Know
Sexuality Terms
- Sexuality
- Describes a person’s sexual and/or romantic attraction to other people. Sexuality is not a preference, and you can know your sexuality regardless of your sexual experiences or lack thereof.
- Lesbian
- Also known as WLW (women loving women) Lesbians are women who experience sexual and/or romantic attraction to other women. This definition has been expanded by some to include nonmen attracted to nonmen.
- Gay
- Describing someone who experiences sexual and/or romantic attraction to the same gender as themselves. Often used to describe men but can be used for any gender who experiences same-gender attraction.
- Bisexual
- Person who experiences sexual and/or romantic attraction to their own gender and to others, or to two or more genders.
- Queer
- Queer is an umbrella term which can be used to refer to someone’s sexuality or gender as not being cisgender or heterosexual, which could include been gay, trans, bi, nonbinary, a combination, or more! Queer has historically been used as a slur, but its reclamation as an identifying term has grown in popularity. Queer can also be used as a term to describe the LGBTQ community in general.
- Pansexuality
- Pansexuality refers to experiencing sexual and/or romantic attraction to all genders, regardless of gender. This term has historically been included in the bisexual umbrella, but there is a distinction.
- Asexuality
- Not experiencing sexual attraction to others. Asexuality may or may not be combined with Aromanticism, which is not experiencing romantic attraction. The non-attraction may simply be a lack of attraction, it may also be experienced as a repulsion towards sex.
Gender Terms
- Gender Identity
- The deeply held, internal knowledge about one’s own gender.
- Gender Expression
- External expressions of gender such as hair styling, clothing styles, pronouns, behavior, and more. Society typically classify these expressions as either being masculine or feminine.
- Sex Assigned at birth
- This is the sex a person was assigned at the time of their birth based on their visible external genitalia, and what is written on their birth certificate. This sex may or may not align with the gender the person identifies as.
- Transgender
- Describing someone whose gender identity differs from the sex they were assigned at birth. Transgender people often adjust their external gender expression to match their gender identity, which may or may not include hormone therapy or medical procedures.
- Intersex
- Describing someone who’s sex characteristics (genitalia, internal sex organs) fall outside traditional concepts of male and female. Intersex people may have experienced medical procedures at birth to ‘match’ them with either a male or female sex. They may also not know they are intersex until later in life.
- Two spirit
- A term used by various Indigenous communities describing someone who is not cisgender and/or heterosexual
- Nonbinary
- A term to describe gender which does not fall inside the male/female binary. Is sometimes used as an umbrella term covering other non male/female identities such as genderfluid, genderqueer, or agender.
'Female' Anatomy Terms
Please note "female" is the biological term in this instance, referring to the reproductive organs which become "pregnant" and carry the fetus. Any gender can have a "female" reproductive system.
- Vagina
- The tube which connects the vulva (external) to the cervix (internal). This is the birth canal, and is used for vaginal penetrative sex. Penises, sex toys, fingers, etc may be inserted into the vagina with the intention of giving someone pleasure. The vagina is highly elastic and expands and self-lubricates when aroused.
- Vulva
- The external part of female sex organs. Often colloquially referred to as the vagina, which is not anatomically accurate. Includes the labia minora and majora, clitoris, and vaginal opening.
- Clitoris
- Located at the top of the vulva, this is the primary female pleasure organ. This organ may appear as a small nub, but extends into the body behind the vulva and surrounding the vagina. The clitoris is highly sensitive and can be stimulated by touch and movement.
- Cervix
- The cervix is the barrier and connector between the vagina and the uterus. The cervix may be felt at the end of the vagina by inserting fingers, a penis, or sex toys.
- Uterus
- This muscular organ is about the size of a small fist, and is where the fetus grows during pregnancy. During arousal, the uterus shifts and helps the vagina expand.
- G spot
- The G spot is a location on the front wall of the uterus that may be especially sensitive for arousal and has a different texture from the rest of the vagina.
- Hymen
- A thin membrane that stretches across the vaginal opening. Hymens are perforated to allow for menstrual flow, and can be ‘broken’ by a variety of activities. Hymens are not a signifier of sexual activity.
'Male' Anatomy Terms
Please note "male" is the biological term in this instance, referring to the reproductive organs which produce sperm to fertilize eggs and produce offspring. Any gender can have a "male" reproductive system.
- Penis
- Shaft
- The section attached to the body, which ‘hardens’ when aroused
- Glans
- The end of the penis (the ‘head’ or ‘tip’) and the location of the urethral opening. This can be an especially sensitive area of the penis when aroused. During orgasm, semen (ejaculate fluid) comes out of the glans.
- Foreskin
- A piece of skin surrounding the shaft and glans which protects the penis. It retracts during arousal. Circumcision is a procedure that may be performed on infants with penises and removes the foreskin, so not everyone has one
- Shaft
- Testicles
- Housed within the scrotum, these glands produce sperm. Often nicknamed as the “balls”
- Prostate
- A gland which produces the seminal fluid (ejaculate fluid), located towards the back of the body.
- Scrotum
- A fleshy sack located below the penis containing the testicles. Often nicknamed the “sack”
Types of Sexual Activity
Manual/Digital Sex
- Manual/digital sex is stimulation of the genitals using the hands. Slang terms include handjob or fingering.
- Manual sex on a penis can include grasping, rubbing, stroking, up-and-down motions, and stimulation of the scrotum and testicles.
- Manual sex on a vulva can include rubbing, stimulation of the clitoris, or stimulation of the vagina through in-and-out movements or internal stimulation of the g-spot.
- When performing manual stimulation, you may need to be gentle on sensitive areas such as the scrotum or clitoris.
- If you’re performing any penetrative stimulation, make sure your nails are trimmed, have no rough edges, and your hands are clean.
Oral Sex
- Oral sex is stimulating someone’s genitals using your mouth. Slang terms for oral include blowjobs, giving head, going down, eating out, etc.
- Oral sex can be performed on penises and vulvas.
- Oral sex on a penis can include licking the head or shaft, sucking on the head or shaft, moving one’s mouth up and down on the penis, or any other stimulations that feel good.
- Oral sex performed on a vulva often focuses on stimulating the clitoris through licking and sucking, but oral stimulation can be performed up and down the vulva and include internal stimulation of the vagina.
- Everyone’s preferences for what feels good are different, so communication with your partner about what feels best for their body and what both of you are comfortable with is key.
Vaginal Sex
- Vaginal sex is penetrative sex of the vagina which can be performed with a penis or with a sex toy such as a dildo.
- While the vagina can be self-lubricating, not everyone may be able to produce enough for vaginal sex to be comfortable, and adding lubrication may be necessary. You can always use lube!
- Foreplay is important when performing penetrative vaginal sex, to allow time for lubrication to be produced and the vagina to expand. Foreplay can include stimulating ”erogenous zones” such as the neck or breast areas, as well as oral or manual sex.
Anal Sex
- Anal sex is any sex acts performed on the anus, anal area, or by penetrating the anus and rectum.
- Penetrative sex can be performed using a penis, toy, or fingers, but anal penetration requires preparation.
- Prep may include douching or using an enema, practicing with small toys and fingers to slowly stretch the anus, and using generous amounts of lube, as the anus is not self lubricating.
- Oral sex can be performed on the anus by licking the area or penetrating with the tongue.
- When inserting toys into the anus, only use items with a flared (wide) base. Toys without a flared base can get “lost”, so using toys designed for anal play such as “buttplugs” is important.
How do I have "good" sex?
If you're looking for a straightforward answer that will ensure the sex you have is always amazing, you won't find it. There is no one way to have "good" sex, and everyone has different preferences and needs. However, there are a few things you can do to at least consistently improve the quality of the sex you're having:
First of all, CONSENT IS ESSENTIAL. Consent is ongoing and enthusiastic, and checking in to make sure your partner is still enjoying themselves is always appreciated. Consent is necessary for every sexual interaction. Ways to make consent more fun and sexy can look like asking your sexual partner if they like what you're doing, tugging at clothing to get confirmation before taking it off, or anything else you can think of that allows your partner to communicate consent while having fun.
Second, good communication is essential. Ask your partner beforehand what feels good to them, and don’t be afraid to discuss and review what felt good and what didn't after having a sexual experience. It is not recommended to do feedback immediately after, instead ask your partner about their experience in a less sexual setting where there is no pressure.
During the moment, be present with your partner. If they seem to enjoy a certain type of stimulation, do more, if they don’t, do less! This is also part of ongoing consent – sometimes certain sexual acts can be difficult or triggering because of trauma, and if someone is triggered during sex it is important to immediately stop and address their needs.
Understanding anatomy can be extremely helpful to understanding your partner. This can look like being mindful of highly sensitive areas, and maybe working your way to them over the course of the sexual experience, or simply understanding which ‘hole’ is which. To brush up on your anatomy, feel free to scroll up to the diagrams or the terms listed above.
Also, the best sex is safe sex. Safe sex is sex where both partners are involved in ensuring neither gets a sexually transmitted infection. Another important aspect is ensuring that if a penis and vagina are involved in the sex, you and your partner have already discussed and agreed on birth control (or non birth control) measures. This could be the person with the uterus using a form of birth control such as the pill, the patch, the IUD or the arm implant, using condoms to prevent STIs and pregnancy, or simply avoiding vaginal sex where the penis penetrates. Being on hormone therapy (either testosterone or estrogen) may change the types of birth control you can be on, so if you have a vagina please ask your doctor for more info.
Sexually Transmitted Infections
STIs: What to Know
Sexually Transmitted Diseases/Infections (STDs/STIs) are diseases which can be transmitted through sexual fluids (semen or vaginal lubrication). Any activity which brings sexual fluid into contact with other sexual fluid or a permeable membrane of the body (vagina, rectum, mouth, nose, eyes) can transmit an STI. While most can be cured with over-the-counter antibiotics, others require lifelong management.
To prevent transmission of STIs, using protection in every sexual encounter is important. Physical protection is best, and there are also pharmaceutical protections against some STIs. Washing hands before and after sex can also be a form of protection.
Even curable STIs can cause severe problems if not treated, so getting tested regularly is important. A good practice is being tested at least once per year, or more often if you have different partners. If someone you have had sex with reaches out to you to tell you they have an STI, unless you have already been tested, make sure you receive testing specifically for the STI they may have transmitted.
STI testing is available on-campus at the Curry Health Center, and at most doctor’s offices which do standard preventative healthcare.
Physical Protection from STIs
Having safe sex requires using protection against STIs. There are a few forms of physical protection, and to be effective they must be used any time you may be interacting with sexual fluids. Before using any of these, check the package for the expiration date and make sure the device has no perforations or imperfections. These options also are likely to contain latex, so for those with latex allergies make sure you use options which are latex free.
Condoms
- External
- External condoms are designed to go over the penis. There is an inside and outside, which you can find by where the tip sits prominently, and the rim of the condom is on the outside. To apply, place on the glans of the penis when penis is erect, hold the tip of the condom to leave space for semen, and gently roll the condom down the penis until the shaft is covered. To remove after sex, unroll the condom and pull away from the penis, pinching the rim so the semen remains in the condom. Once removed, simply throw the condom away into the trash - do not flush or re-use.
- Note: When using external condoms to prevent STIs, be mindful of the material. While all latex, and most non-latex, provide STI protection, lambskin and other natural condoms do not.
- Internal
- Internal condoms are designed to go inside the vagina or anus. If the condom is going into the anus, remove the inner ring before inserting (leave the inner ring if inserting in the vagina). When inserting into the vagina, squeeze the inner ring and insert into the vagina, pushing the condom up as far as possible. For anal insertion, simply push the condom (with ring removed) into the anus. For both, ensure the outer ring is outside of the vagina or anus, and the condom is not twisted. To remove, lightly pull the outside ring and twist to keep the semen inside the condom. Then, pull the condom out and throw away into the trash – do not flush or re-use.
- Dental dams are designed to be used when performing oral sex on a vagina or anus. To use a dental dam, remove it from its package, unfold the plastic, and place on the area where oral will be performed. Let the dam stick to the skin itself, but if it moves while performing the act you can hold the dental dam in place. If the dam tears or perforates, immediately stop and apply a new one. When done, throw the dental dam away – do not flush or re-use.
- Gloves can be used when performing any kind of manual sex to prevent sexual fluids from getting on your hands. Make sure the gloves are the correct size for you before sex. To put on gloves, remove all rings and other hand jewelry and wash hands. Then put the glove on your dominant hand, holding the inside of the wrist of the glove with your non dominant hand and pulling over the hand. Repeat on the nondominant hand. To remove pull the glove off holding the wrist and peeling away from the body so the glove turns inside out. Repeat with the other hand, and immediately throw the gloves away.
Vaccines and Pharmaceutical Protections
- PrEP and PEP are regiments of medications with the intention of preventing yourself from contracting HIV. While HIV is no longer a death sentence, prevention is important. PrEP is taken on a daily basis, so if you are exposed your risk of contracting HIV is significantly lowered. PEP is taken if you think you may have been exposed to HIV, and starting a PEP regiment as soon as possible if you think you have been exposed is important to ensuring its efficacy. PrEP and PEP are not necessary for most people, but if you regularly have sex with a variety of people without using condoms, have a sexual partner who is HIV positive, or you or your partner use injection drugs. If you think your lifestyle means PrEP may be helpful, or if you find yourself in need of PEP, make sure to talk to a doctor.
- HPV (Human papillomavirus) is a virus which can be transmitted sexually, and is incredibly common. The CDC recommends everyone under age 26 receive the full three-vaccine course of the HPV vaccine, and while it’s advised to start it in your early teens, you can start the course at any time. Getting vaccinated to protect yourself from HPV is important, as 85% of adults will get infected at some point, and HPV leads to a variety of cancers in men and women. You can start the HPV vaccine course (called Gardasil) or continue the course at your doctor’s office.
Other Infections of Note
Most STIs are specific infections caused by certain bacteria or viruses, but there are other types of infections which can be caused by sexual activity.
Urinary Tract Infections
- Urinary Tract Infections or UTIs occur when bacteria gets into the urethra, which the movement during sex can often cause. While these are more common for people with vaginas, people with penises can also acquire UTIs. UTIs are very common, and symptoms include feelings of burning when you pee, feeling like you have to pee all the time, or blood in your pee. UTIs can easily be cured with a course of antibiotics, so make sure to head to the doctor quickly to ease your discomfort. It’s also important to treat your UTI because they can sometimes progress to bladder infections or even kidney infections. You do need prescribed antibiotics to cure a UTI, over-the-counter medicines such as Azo may help with pain but they will not cure it.
- Yeast infections are a type of fungal infections which can occur in vaginas and on penises. Characterized in both by white discharge or residue, and a ‘funky’ smell, they can easily be taken care of by using an over-the-counter antifungal treatment.
Healthy Relationships
Relationships can take many forms, from the casual relationship you have with someone you consider a "hookup" to the committed relationships you may choose to have with someone you deeply care about. All relationships are valid and unique, especially when it comes to LGBTQ relationships. When relationships involve certain degrees of oppression, or seem to differ from what society deems as normal, it can become trickier to tell if your relationship is a healthy one.
Healthy relationships can be casual or serious; platonic, romantic, or sexual, and any combination of the above. All that matters is that your relationship includes all of the following. Note - the term partner is being used for brevity, but this applies to all forms of relationships.
- Mutual Respect
- Does your partner appreciate you for who you are? Your partner should respect you as an equal, and respect your choices, boundaries, and needs. This also includes respecting your sexuality and gender identity. Your partner should respect your pronouns, and be proud of you if you discover new or different aspects to your identity in the relationship. They should NOT try to change you or 'fix' you.
- Trust
- Trust is the basis of all human relationships, and feeling comfortable telling your partner both everyday information and the information you tend to keep to yourself. Depending on the relationship, your partner may know everything about you, and you them, or just the relevant things. Either way, feeling comfortable telling your partner about yourself, and feeling that you won't be judged or have the information used against you, is essential.
- Honesty
- Yes, honesty really is the best policy. Your partner should be honest both when answering question like "How was your day?" and question like "What are your intentions with this relationship?" Giving a straight answer means both of you will consistently be on the same page, and will be able to maintain the trust of the relationship. A relationship where you feel like you don't know if your partner is being honest with you is a relationship where you will be miserable.
- Support
- Support should be present in the good times and the bad. If you or your partner are having a bad day, maybe one of you can pick up the other's favorite food and let them vent. And if you or your partner just got a promotion or won an award, you both should celebrate the achievement! In a healthy relationship, you know your partner will be there for you in good times and bad.
- Individuality
- Relationships may always be with another person, but you need to have your own identity too. This means continuing to see your friends and participate in hobbies and activities you enjoy. And while your partner could join you for all that, it's important to still maintain your own identity and interests. Your partner should support you in doing your own thing, and never belittle you or pressure you into ignoring the people and activities you love. Having your own identity also includes having confidence, self-esteem, and a sense of who you are that is separate from your partner and that you have full control over.
- Good Communication
- Both partners must be open and honest about their wants and needs, and clearly communicate them to the other. While miscommunication and confusion happens, good communication means taking steps to prevent it, and learning from it when confusion does occur. A healthy relationship involves both partners working to communicate needs, boundaries, desires, and more in a way their partner will understand.
- Understanding
- While small missteps and even occasional fights may happen, both partners in a healthy relationship always work towards being understanding and not assuming the worst. Additionally, you should be working towards not only knowing each other but understanding each other. Reaching a point where you feel like your partner just "gets you" and you feel seen and understood is a great sign of a healthy relationship.
- Compromise
- When two people are interacting, there won't always be perfect agreement. In these instances, you should be able to compromise and find an agreement where both of you can be somewhat happy. Compromise is NOT giving up your needs for the other person, or one of you consistently getting more than the other. You should both feel comfortable asking for things, and knowing that any negotiation will be in good faith.
There are many aspects to healthy relationships, and within the LGBTQ+ and polyamory communities (whether polyamory is an LGBTQ+ identity is under debate) a new term has emerged called "relationship anarchy". In relationship anarchy, existing norms and ideas about a relationship SHOULD be, which all come from cisgender heterosexual allosexual relationships, are thrown to the side. The two people entering the relationship discuss exactly what they want out of the relationship, and then agree to those parameters together. The intention is that the relationship anarchy model allows relationships to feel less pressure, and better fulfill each person's needs. The Relationship Anarchy smorgasbord is picture below, which has lots of ideas on what you might include in a relationship.
